you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
