VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
