I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
