I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
