Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
