i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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