If that was your dad, he is hot
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
