i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
