I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
