I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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