that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
pray to the hookup gods
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
