he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
