Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
