I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
