Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
