I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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