So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
