I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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