I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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