she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
