how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
