chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
