I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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