OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize