Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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