This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
