I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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