How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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