It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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