Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
