If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
