You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
