You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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