How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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