Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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