i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
