whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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