i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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