All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize