So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
