I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
