your room smells of hookers.
And success
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
