3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
