I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
