The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
