Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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