shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
