Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
