so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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