My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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