i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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