you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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