I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
