my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i love accidental penises.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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