maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize