hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
