I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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