apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
