Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You've changed since you got that strap on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
