I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
