Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
