i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
