i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
