I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
