Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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