Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize