Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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