I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my poor anus
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
